by ADAM BAIDAWI (and AZIZ ANSARI)
This story appeared in GQ.
The situation with Aziz is as follows: Kanye loved him (before Kanye loved Kim). Jay-Z caught on soon after. Then, courtesy of maybe-the-best comedy not on Aussie TV, Parks and Recreation, the Obamas became fans too.
Luckily, the prez keeps you humble.
“I just want to remind him,” said Obama at a fundraiser, “I got more Twitter followers than you, man.”
Propelled by drive-by performances in dude comedies (see: lazy-ass record scout in Get Him to the Greek; semi-douchey comic in Funny People), the Indian-American has upped the game with his standup (his Buried Alive tour stopped by the Opera House last year).
But it’s playing Tom Haverford – Parks and Rec’s swag-soaked entrepreneur slash local government employee – that’s won Aziz hearts in and out of the Oval Office.
“You think of the president, you imagine this guy that’s not fuckin’ around,” says Aziz. “Then you meet him and he’s just like a normal dude that watches CSI sometimes.”
“I don’t think I’ve seen him since. He’s not like, texting me to get brunch.”
But still: winning over the holy trifecta of ‘Ye, Jay and POTUS? You’d better believe that requires some social savvy, son. Aziz was kind enough to dispense some wisdom.
How to Throw a Dinner Party, by Aziz
- Invite one racist and AT LEAST 2 people of the ethnic background he despises. This will always lead to exciting conversations and keep people on their toes.
- If you have vegetarians coming, just secretly put meat in the "veg-friendly" dishes, at the end of the night, see if they liked the dish, if so say "GOTCHA! Delicious pork was in that dish! I told you it was tasty!!!"
- Every 15 minutes play Mark Morrison's "Return of the Mack." TRUST.
- If you are close personal friends with Prince, invite him and ask him to play some music, people will be into it. He's amazing.
- At the end of the night, ask all members of the same sex to leave. So it's just you and the ladies (or the men), start playing Usher's "Nice and Slow" very loudly. And whisper into everyone's ears, "It's about to go down, if you aren't into it, I'd leave NOW."